I have never looked my age. When I was graduating from
college, people thought I was just graduating from high school, and I was 26! I never
appreciated that I looked much younger because I didn’t see the advantage. If
all the guys thought I was too young for them then none of them would ever consider me. In reality, I was older than them!! In the end, I married someone
who is 3 years younger than me, so maybe there is some sense in there
somewhere.
I decided to make some goals to work towards which might
make my crossing into the next decade a little more enjoyable, a little more
positive. I called it “144 Days to 40” with no particular significance other
that it gave me a few months and it was catchy.
I’ll share this list with you. I didn’t want it to be a
stressful thing that I would feel defeated if I didn’t accomplish it. Some
things I finished; others didn’t even get touched. And it doesn’t include
anything spectacular either. I wish I could report that I was able to come up
with something grand and life changing. Many ideas came from my family and a
few from friends. A few came from my own brain. Maybe something will be useful
for someone who passes by.
So here goes:
1. Find a better bra solution. It’s just time.
This one took a good chunk of my 144 days. I am small
chested. It has always been hard for me to find something that I like. I
wear whatever bra that works day in and day out, rarely washing it (just being honest)
because I didn’t have a backup. Then, of course, I let too much time pass and
forget where I got it or I didn’t want to spend the money. What I needed from a
bra was comfort, not too tight around the rib cage, straps that stay put, a
little bit of padding for protection and shape. I didn’t want it to make me
look bigger than I am.
I tried the popular internet bra, ThirdLove. It didn’t feel
any different to me than any other store bought bra. Memory foam and stretchy
straps included, it was nothing special for me. Sent it back.
Next, I went to Dillards to be measured (every woman’s
dream) by the pros who actually go to bra fitting school, only to be told that
they didn’t carry my size and they could order it in or I could go to the teen
section. I went home with a couple bras, Wacoal brand, that you pull over your
head and resemble a nursing sleep bra. In the end, they went back.
Next, I visited Victoria Secret. They claim to know just
what a woman wants in a bra. I had been told by friends to just bite the bullet
and go get a Victoria Secret bra. They measured me, didn’t have my size,
ordered and shipped it to my house. I wore it for a day and returned it.
Last I tried a couple bras from the internet company Knixwear. One with padding
and one without. The one with padding is the one that I’m sticking with. It
works for me because it isn’t too tight, it covers and protects, and it fits
just right. $55 a piece, but sometimes you just gotta spend it for a good bra.
I’ve stopped searching but that doesn’t mean it is the perfect
solution. I didn’t try any companies that specialized in small chests. So, if
any of you in my same boat have found a good solution, please share!!
2. Complete Personal
Progress
In my church, there is a program in the Young Women (ages
12-18) called Personal Progress that girls work on to help them strengthen
their faith in God and Jesus Christ, learn skills that are useful, etc. There
are 8 areas called values that they focus on: Faith, Divine Nature, Individual
Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability, Good Works, Integrity, and Virtue.
When I was a Young Woman, I was not able to accomplish this program. With each
virtue there are experiences and a 10+ hour project. Now as a leader, the
requirements are a little different. I
had to complete all the experiences but was only required to do 3 projects. By
the time I figured this difference out, I had already started and made plans
for 6 of them.
My projects were as followed:
Faith: Memorize “The
Living Christ” document. We did this as a family, all those that could. It
has been an incredible experience, learning the words of latter-day prophets
and teaching my children what they mean. They are powerful words that teach
about Christ. We will make a family video of this soon.
Divine Nature: I learned about making different kinds of
breads, trying recipes of friends. I taught my daughter, Rosie, to make artisan
bread.
Individual Worth: I participated in a production of “Journey
to Neverland” which was put on by Julie Moffet Ballet School. I was a tap
dancing star fish.
Knowledge: Learn to grow a better garden and start a
compost. In our new house, there were a couple square foot garden boxes already
made. So we just mixed up our own soil, following Mel’s Mix recommendations
found in Square Foot Gardening. I’m not sure I learned anything spectacular
other than I just kept at it, watering daily. We reaped the fruits of zucchini,
yellow squash, many sweet Japanese cucumbers, lots of kinds of lettuce, sugar
snap peas, green beans, yellow wax beans, short carrots, green onions, beets,
and zinnias. I unfortunately didn’t get a compost going. We don’t have a lot of
space outside so I wanted to buy one of those rotating ones. Still need to do
that.
Good Works: An excerpt from my journal—“I spent 2 days
giving my constant attention and time to my daughter, Lorelai [3], helping her
potty train. This was something that I was putting off and dreading doing. This
stretched me in many ways causing me to use great patience when I would
normally be very frustrated. This is also a life skill that she will use every
day for the rest of her life. Dab.”
Virtue: Read the Book of Mormon
After completing the Personal Progress requirements, I can
now wear the Young Women medallion. I still need to get that.
3. Learn and practice mindfulness. My friend, Renee,
introduced me to Tibeten singing bowls and also gave me one for my birthday. I
love it and am still just learning what it means to meditate and calm my mind.
4. Start using a menstrual cup. This was another Renee
recommendation. Learning to use this may be the best thing out of all my “144
to 40” goals. I don’t know where this has been my whole womanhood. We should
all be doing this!! Zero waste, so it is much better for the environment. I
only need to change it twice a day, once in the morning and once before bed. If
you can do a tampon, you can do this. AND, we should all have one of these in
our emergency kits for ourselves and all our daughters. A tip: I got the Diva
Cup and did have to trim the tip a little bit. I have another no-name cup as a
back-up but haven’t had to use it yet. There is a tiny bit of a learning curve
so stick with it and you’ll be glad you did!! Give it a try!
5. Paint a self-portrait. I haven’t done this yet. Maybe I’ll
get some lessons from my artist brother this Thanksgiving. I have the canvas
though!
6. Become friends with a homeless person. This opportunity
has not yet come along.
7. Reconnect with someone from my past. I tried and tried to
find my friends Becky and Adam Witt. I knew them in college at BYU about 14
years ago. I tried Facebook, Google, and the BYU alumni directory but have not
been able to find them. I will continue my search. Anyone out there that can
connect me to them??
Instead, I had a much overdue lunch with my good friend, Natasha,
from high school. She is the kind of friend that picks up right where we
left off 20+ years ago.
8. Write life history so far. This will take much longer but
at least I have a start. I would like to copy and paste these stories into the
FamilyTree app where I can keep them in a central location to be enjoyed for
years to come.
9. Get a bike and use it. This was a goal that was dependent
on money or the lack thereof. This will have to remain something for the
future.
10. Compile recipes from 40 friends and make a book with my
favorite memory of each one. I started making a list of friends I would want to
include in my book and the list surpassed double that number. That is where
this project sits for now.
11. Invite people over for dinner 1-2 times a month. For me,
inviting people over for dinner is a big deal. I’m not a party planner but I
would love to be! I think we did this 3 out of the 5 months. Not bad.
Definitely room for improvement.
12. Write a bucket list for the next 40. This was a fun and
easy one. All I had to do was list everything that I want to do for the rest of
my life. When I reach 80, I’ll make another one.
13. Lose 5-10 lbs. I lost 7. I hiked with friends during the
summer and started doing a daily green smoothie. Gained a few back during my
trip to San Francisco. Easy go, easy come?
14. Get rid of insecurities and self-consciousness. Ha! Yea right.
That’s a lofty goal. But I can say that I am letting things that would normally
get to me, roll off my back at lot easier. At some point, I have to be willing
to accept myself for who I am, lumps and moles and veins and all. My quirks are
my own. We all have them. I’m trying to be nicer to myself and cut myself a
little slack. It’s way overdue. If I can’t make someone like me, well, then it
shouldn’t affect how I feel about myself. I’ve found myself giving myself
little mental pep talks to get me though moments of insecurity. “Just stand up
straight and smile, Shell.” “You’re doing just fine, Shell.”
I do a lot as a mother of 5 young children. I keep them
alive and fed. I do my best to teach them correct principles. I do my best to
love them the way they need to be loved. I’m a work in progress. 40 is not the
age to have it all figured out, as I may have thought it was. There was a bit
of panic that set in when I realized that a significant portion of my life was
behind me. What have I done? What have I learned? Have I influenced anyone for
good? Have I made good choices? Has my life been worthwhile? I’m glad I don’t
have to answer those questions finally and that the verdict is still out.
To celebrate my 40th birthday, my husband and I
took a fabulous trip to San Francisco to see sights and visit all the
lighthouses we could. It was great. Now, that the clock has ticked over and
past 40, I can say that I’m happy with this new decade and am embracing it,
ready for the next 40!
